I'm alive, literally

Wow, has it really been 3 months since my last blog post?

Ever since my last blog post about me finding out that I have cancer, I've lost the will to blog. Concerned about other things, life, and living life. I've even stopped reading my favorite blogs from other people, and decided to concentrate on my own life. I've decided to be selfish and think about me and mostly me for a change. I figure I deserve it right about now.

Okay, update on my own life. After talking with my main oncologist, considering my good health, and young age, and the fact that the cancer is in stage 1 (it hasn't spread to any other part of my body), the doctor gives me about a 80% chance of full recovery. Considering that this is a big deal, I decided to get a second opinion from another kaiser doctor, and he also agreed with my initial doctor, and gave me a 80-90% success rate. That was a huge relief. But it's not all good news. I have to go through chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Surgery isn't an option, due to the type of cancer, lymphoma, since it's classified more as a liquid tumor not a solid tumor. Plus it would be very difficult since it's in the middle of my chest around the lungs and heart.

But it's not all good news, since chemo is gonna have some serious, life threatening side effects, along with some that may be permanent. Not only does the chemo drugs attack and kill the cancer cells, it also attacks and kills alot of other cells that I don't want killed. Like my bone marrow which produce the white and red blood cells. Which suppresses my immune system down to nothing. Which makes me susceptible to all sorts of nasty stuff out there, and if I do catch something, it's potentially bad. I mean real bad, really really bad, as in no more blogging for me, ever. Oh, and the lack of red blood cells will make me anemic, which basically means I have no energy. Oh, and it also affects my sperm, and might make me permanently sterile. The hair loss ain't so bad for me. I'll just sport the b-ball look.

Oh, and did I mention that after everything, there's a 30% chance that it might come back in 5 years, which means I'll have to do the chemo all over again, at a possibly stronger dosage?

The chemo schedule from my main oncologist was scheduled for 6 rounds, three weeks between each round, for a total of 24 weeks, then radiation therapy afterwards. That would put me out of commission for most of this year. There was the possibility that I won't be able to work during most of my chemo time, and I would need to go on disability. I needed some time to put my affairs in order, as well as find and consult another doctor for a second opinion, so I delayed my treatment until I was ready. I took advantage of this time to refinance the house while I still have my full pay, and took some of my little guys to the sperm bank for safe keeping. Lemme tell you, it's not as fun as you think, nor is it cheap, since my medical coverage didn't cover it.

Betty and I also took one last trip into mexico with some of her friends. I'll have to write up about that one seperately as I had a good time there.

Fast forward to now. My parents are staying with me most of the time to keep an eye on me and help me out around the house. Betty's also pretty much living here now as well. I'm on disability from work, and work part time from home. I can't go into the office, and need to stay away from places with alot of people I don't know. Again, if I catch something from someone that's sick, it's very serious for me. Anybody that visits me at home needs to be sure they're not sick. I need to be very germ phobic, and that also includes food that I eat. I can't eat anything raw. I've basically turned into bubble boy.

I've finished my 4th round of chemo now. More than half way through. They give me the chemo drugs through a IV at the hospital. It takes about 8 hours to get it all into me. They also give me a whole bunch of really expensive and anti nausea pills. It's supposed to be really strong stuff that came out a few years ago and works well. The type of chemo I'm getting (R-CHOP) is supposed to be pretty intense with the nausea, and boy, do I feel it. The anti nausea drugs do work though, since I haven't vomited once so far. The first couple of rounds wasn't so bad with the nausea, but i'm really feeling it now. Couple that with the tiredness that hits you like a sledgehammer, and I basically can't do anything for about a week. Can't play video games cause that induces nausea. Looking at the computer screen causes me to get a headache, which induces nausea. Watching too much TV gives me a headache, which induces nausea. Walking around the house makes me tired. The nausea makes me not want to eat much. I'm pretty much a mess for about a week after the chemo treatment. During my second week, I feel better. I'm able to do some work at home. The nausea goes away completely. My appetite is back. I can go out for a walk and get some exercise, go to the store and do some errands. I have to keep it simple, and not overdue it since my energy level still isn't there. And I have to be extra careful since my second week is my nadir period, the time when my immune system is at it's lowest and I'm the most susceptible to catching something. By the third week, most of my energy is back, I can do almost everything I want to do, and then before you know it, it's time for my next chemo appointment again.

Today is the 8th day from my last chemo treatment. It's taking me longer to recover from the nausea and other ill effects. And it gets worse from what I hear the more treatments I go through. Today is the first day that I'm able to look at the computer screen for extended periods at a time. I actually can't sleep right now for some reason, which is why I'm writing this blog. I really should try to get some sleep, but I thought I'd update you on my condition.